Music & Catharsis!- “It was good to let go, let the mask fall off.”
I’d been holding on too tightly on a delusion rationalising, bargaining, trying to gain something I didn’t have -control. Music was the cleansing, the catharsis.
I breathe music. It’s always been a saviour for me throughout my life. I’ve been a student in it since the age of 10. Sometimes when I listen to the same song, I find myself feeling the same way I had felt when I’d first listened to it or on repetition in a memory.
I didn’t understand what was happening, I wrote to understand. And I listened to clean. This period after trauma is like an exorcism- you pick out dead memories from your body- you unlearn, unbe- and then you burn them or forgive and convert them into love. Then you wait. Wait. Wait. Till you’re clean and lighter. This is the catharsis. In that state of extreme turmoil, there is no pity or fear but pure human emotion. It’s beautiful. There is no repression, no suppression just pure expression without shame.
Heartbreaks are tough, it’s almost like losing a dear one. And it’s complete grief. It’s a process. Everyone has a different one. After going through-Denial, Anger, Guilt, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. And not just grieving when you’re an adult. Without the completion process of the original emotions of the past that had been repressed and forgotten and not adequately expressed or explored, there is never a satisfaction of closure. Music goes a long way in that for me to be very honest and transparent. It’s one of the most painful and the most rewarding process you can ever gift yourself!